took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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