her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
