I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there is glitter all over my balls
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