I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
