I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
