One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
