I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
