So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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