Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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