If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
