i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
