google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
