Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
