I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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