John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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