Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
