my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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