i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
