Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
