I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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