Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
