Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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