my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
