Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
