He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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