Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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