I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
