He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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