Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
