your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
