Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
