If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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