sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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