Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
