Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
