Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I DEMAND FORESKIN
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
