Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
