She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
