oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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