I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
