Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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