Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A bitchslap is in order.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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