There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
