I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
