I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
