literally had 100 drinks last night.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
