I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
