Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
