Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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