Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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