Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
