Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
